Last week I was mid-lecture with my kids about the importance of healthy eating. Real food, not junk, you know the speech. Right when I hit my stride, my purse tipped over and out rolled my emergency chocolate bar. My kids just looked at it, then looked at me, and didn't say a word. They didn't have to.
It was a good reminder that we can believe something is important and still not be practicing it perfectly ourselves. And that's exactly what I want to talk about this week, not chocolate bars, but something a lot of families do with their money.
The 529 Trap
Here's a scene that plays out in a lot of homes: parents open a 529 for their toddler before they've built an emergency fund. They're diligently funding college fifteen years out, while retirement, which is arguably even less optional, gets whatever's left over. Which is usually nothing.
Money expert Ramit Sethi has a blunt way of putting this. He points out that when a parent in their forties asks whether they should start a 529 while they haven't invested a dime for retirement, the math is backwards. Kids have decades to figure out college funding through scholarships, loans, work-study, or a hundred other paths. Parents don't get a redo on their own retirement timeline.
Why This Isn't Selfish. It's Strategy
I want to be really clear here: saving for your kids is a beautiful thing. It's not the enemy. But there's a version of "putting kids first" that quietly turns into "putting myself last," and that version doesn't actually help anyone.
Think about it this way:
A fully-funded retirement is a gift to your kids too. If you're financially secure at 65, 70, 75, your children never have to choose between their own bills and helping you. That's a real weight lifted off a future you can't fully see yet.
Your kids are watching how you handle money, not just benefiting from it. If they grow up watching Mom or Dad run themselves into the ground financially "for the family," that's the model they'll carry into their own homes someday. Showing them a parent who saves wisely for both today and tomorrow teaches a lesson no 529 statement ever could.
An empty retirement account isn't a plan. It's a delayed emergency. And emergencies eventually land back on the people we were trying to protect in the first place.
A Gentle Gut-Check
If you've got a 529 going and nothing, or next to nothing, in retirement or savings, this is your permission slip to pause and reorder things a bit. It doesn't mean you love your kids less. It might actually mean you love them enough to make sure you're not their retirement plan.
A simple order that works for a lot of families:
- Emergency fund first (even a starter one)
- Retirement contributions, especially anything with an employer match
- Then the college fund, at whatever amount fits what's left
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor. If either of them falls down, one can help the other up." Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)
That's what good money habits do for a family. They hold each other up. But you can't be the one lifting everyone else if you never let anyone, including your future self, lift you.
Take one honest look at your accounts this week. Not to feel guilty, just to see where the imbalance might be hiding. Small adjustments now save big stress later.
Cheering for you,
Jenny
P.S. If you've never actually looked at what you'd need to retire comfortably, don't panic. Most people overestimate it. Reply and let me know if you'd like a simple way to run those numbers.
P.P.S. In October, my Finances for Young Adults course will be launching again. If you have a young adult in your life, give me a reply to be notified when the info is out.
See you next week!
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